Birthmark (NYC)
I'm stuck in here / I'm stuck / Wish I didn't have a name /
Wish I could get lost / I'm stuck in here / I'm stuck
The basic human desire to break free from one’s true self -- if only for a
moment -- is a feeling Nate Kinsella (the sole songwriting force behind Birthmark)
knows all too well.
Choose any song on Antibodies, Birthmark’s third full-length, and
you'll quickly find lyrics that reveal Kinsella isn't always at ease with being
the person that he is.
I get so scared, honey / I can never be somebody else / ... / I get so tired of
hearing my own voice
"I really do try to present myself as a positive person in normal everyday
life," Kinsella says, "But I also spend a lot of time thinking about
death and feeling guilty, remorseful, regretful, and everything in
between."
And so, Antibodies became Kinsella's outlet for the adverse thoughts
constantly lurking just beneath the surface.
From the contrast of how he views his own ugly faults in relation to his wife's
beautiful flaws ("Your Imperfections") to his self-proclaimed
inability to keep on living if a loved one were to be violently taken away
("Pacifist Manifesto"), Kinsella earnestly examineshis own fears and
shortcomings.
And yet, despite a lyrical slant toward acute self-criticism, musically Antibodies unfolds
to the ebb and flow of a gentle, unhurried cadence that is often the hallmark
of a record comfortable in its own skin.
This trait might not seem so surprising, though, when you consider the organic
origins of its sounds.
From vibraphones to violins, cellos to clarinets, each instrument on the album
was played either by Kinsella or a session musician. Even the stunning
backwards string section on "Shake Hands" was painstakingly composed
and performed with an actual string quartet.
Elsewhere, album closer "Big Man" resonates just as deeply from the
opposite end of the musical spectrum. Pairing only a sparse bass guitar with
Kinsella's reverberating vocals, the song is undeniably captivating in its
sublime simplicity.
That such a wide range of tones and emotions are represented so artfully is
made even more remarkable when taking into consideration the relative speed
with which the album came together.
Having spent three years working on his previous album Shaking Hands,
taking only four months to craft Antibodies required Kinsella to
amend his past songwriting techniques.
"This time around I worked very quickly and decided to embrace initial
ideas without second guessing myself," Kinsella explains. "I really
tried to imagine the songs first before I started to record them, instead of
building a song from the recording process."
To further streamline the process, Kinsella enlisted the help of producer Jason
Cupp. Working with an outside engineer for the first time had the immense
impact of enabling Kinsella to focus less on the technical aspects of recording
and more on the music itself.
As such, the experience of making Antibodies became a liberating
experience for Kinsella -- allowing him to function outside his normal
boundaries in exactly the way his lyrics indicate he yearns to.
And in the end, Antibodies finds Kinsella closer to being at peace
with the knowledge that, as he has learned, "for better or worse, you
can't escape you ever."
I wish I could be anything I have to be / But if I were anything different I
wouldn't know the difference